Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Randomize
