I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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