I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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