Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
