So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Randomize
