I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
