If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He felt like a one man threesome
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
