my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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