Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize