I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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