and next time when you feel me up, do it right
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
