I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
