when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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