Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize