Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
