i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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