Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I would ride that face into the sunset
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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