I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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