I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
This house was built for laser tag.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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