It's a beautiful day for a hangover
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
