Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
