So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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