Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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