If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
