kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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