Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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