I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
