Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
