im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize