Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
