Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
