he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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