I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My bed is full of blood and feathers
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
i think i just lost a toe
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
