my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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