new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
