she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
