He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
