found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
