We're facebook friends in real life
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
