Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
