We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
