Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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