Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
