he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I need to sanitize my soul.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
