Welp...herpes.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
