After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
