How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
