he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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