its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
