end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
