cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
