That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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