Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
