i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
