You made me cry and you don't even care
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
