You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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