so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
