Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
