Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
