Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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