4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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