I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
