If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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