some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
