we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Did I show you my penis last night?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
