i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I would ride that face into the sunset
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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