There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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