and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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